Why are some people love addicts and repeatedly
tend to fall in love with the wrong person? The main reason is that people
compensate for negative earlier experiences and unmet needs, thus fulfilling
these through another person. So, instead of resolving personal and emotional
issues it feels easier to escape from them through falling in love. For
example, if a woman all her life has been shy and insecure, she will tend to
fall in love with overly confident and outgoing men.
This happens at an unconscious level, as people
often are not consciously aware of why they become attracted to certain types
of people. When this woman falls in love with the confident man she may believe
that this person is special, while he only serves to compensate for her
own flaws. The concept of compensation may actually help explain why there are
so many unsatisfying loving relationships. When people start to address
personal problems, they will become able to sustain more healthy relationships,
suffer less from break-ups, and in general be less dependent on other people.
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